Nourished by that which Consumes View Online By Joseph Ephraim
| Title | : | Nourished by that which Consumes |
| Author | : | Joseph Ephraim |
| Format | : | Kindle Edition |
| Page | : | |
| ISBN | : |
PrologueMy name is Zhang Yu Lin Although I am only 24 years old, I feel as if I have lived a lifetime in the last five years I am Singaporean and this is my story.It began when I was 19 My father owned a Mee pok stall in the Tiong Bahru area Mee pok was a popular, flat yellow noodle tossed in chilli sauce and sesame oil, complimented with pieces of liver, minced pork PrologueMy name is Zhang Yu Lin Although I am only 24 years old, I feel as if I have lived a lifetime in the last five years I am Singaporean and this is my story.It began when I was 19 My father owned a Mee pok stall in the Tiong Bahru area Mee pok was a popular, flat yellow noodle tossed in chilli sauce and sesame oil, complimented with pieces of liver, minced pork, slices of fish cake, and small fish balls.Unfortunately, my father was an inveterate gambler Although our store s business wasn t bad, our profits didn t make enough for him to pay off his creditors All the tears and screaming matches didn t help My father felt that it was his right to use the money as he desired His rationalisations eliminated his need to provide for his family first.He never felt much obligation towards us his children his own flesh and blood I share this in the most detached manner His habit was always a curse on my family I hated him as much as I loved him Some days, the hate would win Other days, the love for him as my father would overshadow the deep hurt he had caused my family.My father was 54 years old and my mother was 50 I had two siblings my sister, Yu Ching, 10, and Zhen Long, my younger brother, who was 8 From a very young age, I understood poverty and want We lived very frugally I hated the circumstances I was born into but had no other choice I did not choose my family Fate chose me.I had just finished my A levels but opted against going to the university I had a greater obligation to take care of my mother and younger siblings.My father had borrowed money from illegal loan sharks to service his gambling debts In my country, loan sharks were called Tai Long These disgusting people were skilled in intimidation They would bully their debtors by splashing pig s blood on the doors of homes where debts were owed Most of the time, they were humane and used red paint This admittedly was easier to procure than pig s blood But, they would often paint in huge red letters on the unit of our apartment Their humiliation continued as we read the name of our father in lift landings and inside the lift itself It shamed me, my mom, and siblings to no end As usual, my father was always impervious to our pain Our neighbours knew about our situation and avoided us like the plague At times, I so despised him but felt guilty because after all, he was my father.In my culture, face otherwise known as Mianzi in Mandarin , is very important It was face that was presented to the world My father stole our face away from us He stripped any sense of security we had We walked with our eyes lowered to the ground, avoiding eye contact with creditors or anyone who might know us.I had been forced to grow up at a young age, serving as both mother and father to my two younger siblings I did not have time to feel sorry for myself I felt self pity was the most crippling thing in the world it was debilitating, cruel, and took no prisoners It left you defenceless in an onslaught I preferred to be pragmatic in assessing my experiences.We lived in a three room flat in Tiong Bahru It was small, cluttered, and spilling over with discarded things from others that proved useful to us Three rooms meant one dining room and two bedrooms This was our government s way of naming apartment units to make them seem larger A dining room counted as a room The circumstance of poverty was not even the worst part It was the entrenched, utterly hopeless starvation of hopes and dreams that robbed me of any childhood aspirations I swore that my brother and sister would not have to share my fate They would have the chance to pursue their education, take their place in the world with great pride and have face Calls from creditors came in daily harassing us and always the ubiquitous red paint or pig s blood outside our door to remind us of the shame we bore We kept a can of whitewash handy to cover the walls But we could do nothing about the lifts because they did not belong to us.By the time I was 20, my father s gambling debts had grown to over 200,000 including accrued interest We had nowhere to run and nowhere to hide They left our father alone at his stall as decreased profits would mean less money to hand over to them So, he worked very long hours, up at 5 a.m., in bed at 1 a.m He never took a break, even when he was sick Work was his respite and he left his family at the mercy of the wolves he had invited into our lives and home.I looked for a job, but even with my A levels, the most I could make was 1,400 after the mandatory 20 percent Central Provident Fund deductions, a required savings program for retirement in Singapore To sum it up, I would only net 1,120 in take home for myself and family each month That was not enough.There were always ads in the local papers for social escorts, advertising for sweet, slender, and open minded girls The ads promised about 8,000 a month provided you were up for the dangers and abusive nature of the job I thought long and hard about the option but I could not bring myself to soil my body let alone my heart and soul with the degradation of being a call girl I accepted a tutoring assignment after my working hours to supplement my income That seemed satisfactory in my mind I could probably expect another 500 to 600 a month after the first month The tuition agency took 50 percent for the first month With my mind made up, I was going to work on the safe side of respectability I realised that I might meet someone who would not question my past, should I take that other path one day.My father was not pleased with my decision and railed at me incessantly He wanted me to work at a nightclub KTV lounge, advertised as karaoke bars with scantily clad women who were known to offer paid services According to him, women there took home about 10,000 or a month, depending on what they were willing to do.He said it was my filial duty to take on the burden of his debt As part of our custom, especially among the older generation, filial piety symbolised a stick to beat the young over the head with in demanding obedience It was their way of using the dual edged sword of tradition to say I made sacrifices to bring you up therefore, you now have an obligation to me But I would never mortgage my future for him and his debts My duty was to my mother and two siblings whom I loved and cherished with all my heart I would ensure that they would always have what they needed I would make sure that my brother and sister had the schooling that was denied to me.At the time, I did not believe in the reckless alienation of my father He brought me into this world however, I would rather that he respected my own decisions.Then the unthinkable happened One awful, dreadful night while my father and I worked late, the illegal loan shark s debt collectors paid a call to our house As ordered, they doused our front door with kerosene and then torched it with the flick of a partly smoked cigarette While intended to be yet another warning, the scare tactic grew far beyond anyone s imagination Soon, the whole apartment burst into an intense, engulfing ball of flames My mother and two siblings suffered the most torturous, horrific deaths one could envision There was only one option left open to me
Nourished By That Which Consumes
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PrologueMy name is Zhang Yu Lin Although I am only 24 years old, I feel as if I have lived a lifetime in the last five years I am Singaporean and this
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